Sorry for the lack of posts, my life continues to eat away at my free time like a killer whale eats at baby seals. I was convinced a month ago that my summer would be wretchedly boring. My girlfriend is up at Cedar Point, the Indians suck so badly that I'm half expecting Charlie Sheen to take the mound, and there's nothing on at all on TV (except for Craig Ferguson, bless his Scottish soul). Boy, was I wrong.
I saw a William Henry Harrison coin today at the bookstore. This is easily one of the three stupidest things I have ever seen. William Henry Harrison was the idiot president who was so vain he couldn't be bothered to wear a thick hat or coat out on his inaugeration day and promptly caught pnemounia and died. Basically, natural selection overruled the popular choice for president and selected someone else instead. Why in God's name are we recgonizing and honoring a man who's most notable achievements were a) beating up a bunch of Indians in Indiana and b) grandfathering the other failure of a president also named Harrison. I have to wonder what the hell the US Mint was thinking. I mean, this is what we're doing with taxpayer money? No wonder our economy sucks. We're putting out subpar money with a picture of a guy who's best known for dying at an inopportune time. It's just plain stupid.
Here's the best conversation I can come up with that could even cause William Henry Harrison to pop up on a piece of US currency.
Mint Guy 1: Well, the Sacajawea dollars didn't do jack squat.
Mint Guy 2: Who would have imagined that no one would actually want to use a coin with a person who, while historically relevant, is less popular than Jimmy Carter's older brother.
Mint Guy 1: Well that guy did make a great beer. So what should we try now? We already tried Dwight D. Eisenhower while his corpse was still warm and that didn't work.
Mint Guy 2: Then we tried an 11-sided coin with a picture of Susan B. Anthony that basically made her look like an angry school teacher instead of a prominent feminist of the late 19th Century.
Mint Guy 1: Why did we do that again?
Mint Guy 2: Hell if I know. I was high at the time. It was the seventies.
Mint Guy 1: Well, at least some things never change. (Takes a large puff of pot wrapped in a twenty dollar bill) I got a great idea! Let's put pictures of the president on the dollar coins!
Mint Guy 2: Dude, we already have that now. Have you ever looked at a coin? We have Lincoln and Washington and Jefferson and FDR. That's basically all of Mount Rushmore.
Mint Guy 1: But this time, we'll put on all the presidents that no one likes! The one's who don't deserve to be remembered.
Mint Guy 2: But we have that too. Grant's on the Fifty and Jackass McGee is on the 20. (That's Jackson's actual historical title by the way, Jackass McGee)
Mint Guy 1: And see how well that works out! Everyone likes to spend the twenty! I bet they'll like spending a coin with that one guy who died after thirty days! Or the asshat who basically let his friends run the nation into the ground and directly contributed to the Great Depression!
Mint Guy 2: I don't think this is a good use of taxpayer money. Won't this only encourage people not to spend dollar coins, thus weakening our crap economy even further?
Mint Guy 1: Do you have a better idea?
Mint Guy 2:....Batman? Do you think we can get the rights to the Bat-Symbol?
I swear, our country seems to celebrate mediocrity more and more nowadays. We used to actually strive for big things, like putting men on the moon or beating the Russians. We used to put a picture of the eagle landing on the moon with a big flag saying "SUCK IT RUSSIA" on our coins. Nowadays, we seem to be content with putting idiots on our coins while our Congressmen putz around bitching about Michael Jackson and the BCS Bowl Championship system instead of ACTUALLY FIXING SOMETHING. At this point, I actually sometimes consider moving up to Canada. Yeah, they're a bunch of lackluster socialists who couldn't think of anything better to put on their flag then a stupid leaf, but at least their health care works, hockey is on every TV station, and their beer is half decent.
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Interesting...but you need to use your spell checker! Personally, I was glad to see the presidential series one dollar coins. It's about time that John A. and son, as well James Madison and James Monroe, get a little face time on our national currency. Moreover, putting the mug of women belonging to a defeated people on money is so passe! (BTW, the reason the Susan B. Anthony dollar was eleven sided was a PC-type experiment to help blind people figure out that it was a dollar coin and not a quarter.) And not to mention that it is a way for the government to raise money without raising taxes (all those coin collectors buying sets of these things), which I think is a good thing.
ReplyDeleteBesides, they are alot better looking than the new penny that has a figure on the back that looks awfully like BHO pretending to be Lincoln.