(Disclaimer for the following post: Alcohol is bad. I, in no way endorse alcoholism, binge drinking, or any of the other terrible things that stems from drinking. I firmly believe that alcohol is the devil's drink and that it is my mission to consume every last drop of it to rid the world of its corrupting influence)
Blame it on the alcohol, blame it on the booze, blame it on whatever you like, I love to drink. Over the course of the last couple of years, I've been involved with a few shenanigans of the drinking variety. Here are a few of the things I've learned from boozing it up with my compatriots.
The key to getting drinks quickly is to make eye contact with the bartender. If they are forced to acknowledge your existence, they will have to give you booze to make you go away.
When you stumble in and the cat shoots you a look that says "Leave me alone," you probably have had too much to drink. When the cat actually looks at you and says "Leave me alone, human, before I scratch out your eyes," you've definitely had too much to drink.
Don't pick fights with inanimate objects. You can't win.
Fire is not your friend. It never has been and it never will be. Don't let the fire try to tell you otherwise.
If faced with the choice between food or alcohol, choose the alcohol. Most beverages contain calories so if you drink enough, the hunger will go away...or you will die of alcohol poisoning. Either way, problem solved.
There are no such things as classy drinking parties. Only shitshows waiting to happen.
Yes, alcohol can take away your pain. But it comes back twice as bad the next day.
When it comes to blackouts, not knowing is half the battle.
Chances are if it sounds bad in your head, it will sound even worse coming out of your mouth.
Everyone has a ridiculous drinking story. If they don't, get them drunk and give them one.
And of course, don't drink and drive. It's a whole lot easier to stumble home the next morning then being dead. Just sayin'.
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