This is the official Summer of 2009 Christian Hoffer To Buy List.
New flip flops
A new DVD rack
A new DVD player
The 1st, 4th, and 5th seasons of LOST
Patio furniture
New pots and pans
A chainsaw, just in case
A domesticated bald eagle that sits on my shoulder and glares at hippies for no reason
The Hope Diamond
A cannon to protect any high ground I might gain throughout the summer
A spare house to drop on Wicked Witches of any compass direction (particularly the Wicked Witch of the Northwest)
An underground lair for Moochie
A supercomputer for said underground lair
A full-sized portait of myself to cover the entrance of the underground lair
A cape, also for Moochie
A cape for the bald eagle when it decides to team up with Moochie
A satellite, preferably armed with lasers or at least Bluetooth capabilities
The Loch Ness Monster (I'll store her in the pool behind my apartment building)
An professional curling team located out of Norwalk Ohio.
A pride of Oompa Loompas to do my bidding and taunt visitors to the apartment with clever jingles
If I can manage to get at least half of these things by the end of September, it'll be a moderately productive summer.
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I'd always thought the collective noun for Oompa Loompas was a "troop" or maybe a "choir." Just shows I need to take more Zoology courses.
ReplyDeleteI looked it up afterwards and found out that you buy Oompa Loompas by the tribe. Who would have thunk it.
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